What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.
Failure is a part of living. Almost anything we try has the potential to disappoint us and others. Failure is the great teacher. Failure teaches the lessons that success almost never does. The lessons that failure teaches me remain with me more intensely than the lessons I learned in success.
When I fail,
- I learn more about my limits;
- I learn to be more empathetic when others fail;
- I learn at least one way that does not work;
- I am reminded being loved is not dependent on success;
- I learn if I desire something enough to persevere;
- I can develop greater resilience; and
- I can practice patience.
Having said all that, I do not enjoy failing. It feels negative as it is happening or has just happened. I do not want to feel that way and I avoid the feeling when I can. Failure is the gift that almost never feels like a gift when it is happening.
Failure is the gift that almost never feels like a gift when it is happening.
Learning from Failure
Educational Failure. When I was young, I found a number of easy educational successes. Learning came fairly easily. Good marks in primary education came with minimal effort. When I entered college, I had to learn to work more intentionally, to really challenge myself. I had to “dig deeper” because I shallow effort was not rewarded. All this happened because I “failed” in my initial assignments. The challenge sharpened my skills and stretched my mind. I would not be the person I am today had I not faced some of those challenges.
Relational Failure. My twenties were fraught with a series of relationship failures that taught me some lessons about valuing other people, listening, and my own patterned reactions to conflict. Failure taught me how little I valued myself; that negative self-valuing had a direct correlation to my inability to treat others well. I grew as a person because I failed. I do not regret the lessons I learned though I bear remorse for the impact my failures had on people I failed to love well.
Innovative Failure. In my work as a faith leader, I have failed as much as I have succeeded. Innovating in the ways we share a message of Love (the whole purpose of the work I do!!!) is a challenge. How will we communicate the message including the media, the language, music style, and especially the content? Trying a variety of media and words make sense, testing to be sure the content remains on message. Fail with one media? Try another. One media worked last year, but fails now. Don’t give up! Try another. Language from 500 years ago doesn’t communicate Love? Find other words! Try and fail, try and learn.
Trying to Fail?
Am I saying that I should try to fail? No as an intention, no. However, Trying will inevitably lead to at least occasional failure. Failing helps me appreciate successes more. Easy success gives momentary elation. There seems a greater sense of achievement when the success arrives after repeated failures.
Perhaps it might be favorable to have a few “sure things” in life. Still, the reflection invited by the uncertainty of success is a learning in itself. I have this finite life and I choose carefully the ways I will spend it: failure is part of that evaluating. Certainty of success and “safe bets” have become less satisfying as I have learned the value of failure.
Anything worth trying is also worth failing! Almost everything we engage life is risky in some way- emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I am not sure I would do something at which I was guaranteed not to fail. Risk, uncertainty are part of many things worth doing. Relationships are not guaranteed. New endeavors and old ones are not guaranteed. I have learned the value of failing
This one wild, wonderful life is short. Everything is risky and uncertain. Growing courage to try the unguaranteed things in life stretches us, showing us more about who we are.
Infinitely Precious 