As Thanksgiving arrives, many of us feel the familiar pull toward gratitude—toward naming blessings, gathering with loved ones, and pausing long enough to say thank you for the goodness in our lives. In certain seasons, that comes easily. Beauty rises to the surface. Life feels simple. Gratitude flows almost naturally.
But there are other seasons—equally real, equally human—when gratitude feels almost impossible.
Sometimes pain, sadness, frustration, anger, uncertainty, or sheer exhaustion sits so heavily on the heart that saying “thank you” feels dishonest at best and harmful at worst. And in those moments, when someone reminds us to “give thanks in all things,” it may take everything in us not to throttle them. Not because we don’t want to be grateful, but because they may not see what we’re carrying.
If this is one of those Thanksgivings for you, you are not alone.
Gratitude is not always effortless. And that does not mean you’ve failed.
1. Begin with Self-Compassion
If gratitude is hard this year, the very first step is to be kind to yourself. Gratitude is not something you earn or achieve. It’s not a performance you “pass” or “fail.” It comes and goes like seasons do.
Self-compassion gives you permission to be where you actually are, not where you think you should be. It honors your humanity instead of demanding perfection from your heart.
Before you say “thank you,” let yourself say:
This is where I am. And it’s okay.
2. Sit With What’s in the Way
Often, the blockage isn’t ingratitude—it’s something deeper. Pain. Fear. Grief. Overwhelm. The sense of being unmoored.
When gratitude feels far away, consider sitting quietly with whatever is pressing against your heart. Ask:
- What is keeping me from feeling thankful right now?
- What inside me is hurting?
- What feels chaotic or unresolved?
Name it. Naming is an act of honesty, and honesty is a form of healing. You aren’t pretending you’re okay. You’re allowing yourself to see the truth.
3. Loosen Your Grip—Just a Little
Once you’ve shown yourself compassion and named what hurts, see if you can loosen your grip—just a bit.
Not conquer it.
Not solve it.
Not force yourself to move on.
Simply release your hold on it enough to breathe.
Often, it feels like we’re gripping fear or grief tightly, but the truth is that those things often have their grip on us. Loosening that emotional tension—however slightly—creates just enough space for peace to slip in around the edges.
4. Remember That These Practices Are Gratitude
What if the work of caring for your own heart is itself a form of thanksgiving?
What if tending to your inner life—your pain, your tenderness, your longing—is how you honor the gift that you are?
You may not be listing blessings or naming joys, but you are honoring your life with gentleness, courage, and truthfulness. That, too, is gratitude.
A Mixed Year of Joy and Loss
This year has been a mixed season for me. A beautiful, joy-filled moment as I watched my daughter marry a wonderful young man in Ireland—an experience filled with gratitude and wonder.
And yet, this is also my first Thanksgiving without my father. Just months ago, we also lost my mother-in-law. Two empty spaces at the table. Two losses that still ache deeply.
I’m also navigating a transition after thirty-three years in one congregation to a new church family still grieving their longtime pastor of twenty-five years. A sacred transition, but a tender one.
It has been a year of holding joy and sorrow side by side.
For Anyone Who Finds Gratitude Hard
So if gratitude is difficult for you this Thanksgiving, hear this:
You’re not doing anything wrong.
You’re not less spiritual, less faithful, or less grounded.
You are human.
And the work you are doing—being compassionate with yourself, naming your pain, loosening your grip—is its own kind of holy gratitude. It honors your story. It honors your heart. And it honors the One who calls you infinitely precious.
Thank you for being here. If this speaks to someone you know, please share it. Sometimes the most healing words we can offer one another are simply: You’re not alone.
And as always—
You are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
Infinitely Precious 