I spent the last several days spinning in frustration. After all, I have had a meditation practice for more than 10 years and little things are not supposed to trip me up. Hadn’t I arrived at some deeper place?
That is what happens when I start to imagine I have arrived and move from a “beginner’s mind” to an “expert’s mind.” It happens when I let ego drive; when ego believes even for an instant that it is the center of the universe, that attitude changes my perception of life. And it short-circuits my practice.
Ego has been good enough to keep me alive while I grew up and found a place in this world; however, ego imagines it is only truly happy when it is running the show and is allowed to continue the delusion that it, the ego, is the center of the universe!
Last night as I was awakened repeatedly by thoughts of the little things, I was able to re-engage my beginning practice of repeating the “love chapter” (1 Corinthians 13), a practice I had outgrown; then I listened through open windows to the birds singing, smiled, and slipped back into sleep.
Today as I journaled my experience, a sense of peace and healing arose. I had failed (for two days!), and in so doing, was reminded to surrender into the beginner’s mind. I am still smiling at the lesson, a good failure.
Infinitely Precious 
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