I realized this morning what is arising in me: I feel scattered. It is a natural feeling from time to time. My presence is not gathered here; I am all over the place in my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps that feeling sounds familiar to you?
Perhaps being scattered wouldn’t bother me too much except I have experienced what it is to be gathered.
I spent a fair portion of my life scattered, chasing one project after another, trying to fill every moment with variety as I pursued what I imagined was fulfillment; I have since discovered that his pursuit is illusory and elusive at best. This has taught me to be wary of destination-thinking even in my spiritual life. To focus on the destination is not-to-focus on each individual moment on the way.
the Universe is always teaching me (and you) something
Once I awakened to this “being scattered,” I began to search for a way to slow down, to calm down, to find grounding. I found a meditation practice and settled on a particular form of practice, centering prayer. That was over 10 years ago. Shouldn’t I have gotten this all figured out by now?! (destination-thinking again)
Seeing myself write those words brings me back to my own propensity to compare and measure and judge. Chaos happens. Being scattered happens. Return to the practice and let go. My being scattered becomes a gift, a reminder, and an invitation to return. And so I answer the invitation and realize that this is practice for life; I won’t get immediate gratification (okay, sometimes I will though mostly I will not).
Since the Universe is always teaching me something, failing, tripping, and falling can be received as gifts. I get to choose how I will receive them.
Infinitely Precious 