The Growing-Up Project

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

What is a grown-up anyway? There have been a number of moments in life when I imagined I was finally grown up. I was certain when I hit some self-created marker that this was adulthood. For an instant in my mind, I had arrived!

Like many things in my life, I created a mental list of symbols of adulthood. (There was no physical list; that would be too much work and counter to my free-flowing style. I’ll save that for another post.) Some of the “listed” items included, but were not limited to, the following:

• moving away from home,
• choosing bed time,
• making financial decisions,
• choosing relationships,
• choosing classes,
• getting a full-time job,
• learning to sacrifice,
• becoming a husband, and
• becoming a dad.

Each one of these seemed to be that crowning moment when I could say, “Here I am, a grown-up!” They each held some promise of finally being all grown up. I have lost count of the number of times I was grown-up. The first time I felt like an adult is a distant memory.

Perspective

These days I am working from a different perspective, a perspective I suspect will continue to adapt and change as I grow up more. Here is the current perspective: I get to engage in growing up every day. Part of being human is learning to put one foot in front of the other, literally (for those so-abled) and metaphorically. My most recent “growing-up project” is learning to love and accept myself fully.

When did the inner critic start imagining they were my best friend?

There are moments when I know I am okay, moments when I have accepted and released the inner critic; when did the inner critic start imagining they were my best friend? Those cathartic moments break through most often during or after meditation. I cannot force those moments to happen; they just appear when I have really let go of monkey-mind moments.

Other instances sometimes happen when I am “gazing” at the tree in the yard and I lose any sense I must prove anything. I slip ever-so-gently into an “I am” moment. Those times are becoming more frequent in my life; I let go my desire to measure the number but I sense a greater, longer feeling residing in me. That is my current assignment in my growing up.

I wonder what growing-up project might be next for me. I wonder, too, what it might be like to name the markers we identify as grown-up earlier in our lives. These “arrival” spots seem more like platforms on an infinite train trip; they are temporary stopping spots until the next train arrives.

And I hope for you that on whatever platform you find yourself, you can appreciate it as a stop along the way. Mostly I hope you see yourself as “infinitely precious and unconditionally loved as the gift you are.”